It is so true that we begin to appreciate someone only when we lose them...

I can't say I lost my mom, I hope she will live long life, and I will have many more beautiful moments to enjoy her company...
But in some sence I did lost her...
I can only praise God that she had an opportunity to visit us in Kyrgyzstan this summer, and she was staying with us for almost two months.
When we left to serve here, I knew it will be hard, but I did not that it will be so difficult without some really soulmates, and my mom is even more to me, she is a very best friend, the one I can talk about mostly anything, I can talk to her about deeply spiritual things and just laugh about some stupid jokes...

I can understand now all those people who live far from dear to them people, I never had this feeling before.
I grew up with my family, it is not big, I have mom and dad and younger brother, and wonderful grandma, I miss them all, but most of all I missed my mom...

Now I understand what it means to be homesick...
I was waiting for this summer, cause I knew she is coming, I enjoyed every minute with her here, though sometimes she would make me mad just as at home)
I was glad that my kids had an opportunity to be with their grandma, and she was able to see how they grew and what they have learned, and how they changed...
It will be so hard for me to say good bye to her for the hole next year...

Well with all of that I just wanted to say, please appreciate those who are dear to you, be with them as much as you can, enjoy every moment, listen to the wisdom they have to share with you, just be...

And thank God every day for people you love, that they are with you, thinking about you, praying for you, sharing their lives with you...
I am just learning this, like I knew this before, but now I really feel it...
Let's be greatfull to God for what we have and who we have with us...

“A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” 
― Washington Irving

I know that it is God's gift to me, to have such a great person as my mom...

For my kids...

“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.” 
― Garrison Keillor, Leaving Home

I think I want to believe that it is really so...
Sometimes I don't...
I think I am not the only parent that feels like that, I watch my kids sometimes and I see that they take everything for granted, sometimes I even hear things like "But I want too..." or "You have too..." and it really bothers me.
As a parent I try to explaine my kids, that you know I don't have to, or I am telling them that this possition is wrong, and they should not talk to me this way...
But then I analize myself, why is that, why my reaction is this. Cause in a sence I as a parent really have to give them what they want or need, yes the manner they ask for things sometimes is not the best, and we tend to think that we were not like this with our parents, but we were, may be be in some other matters but we also were like this to our parents and made them sad sometimes...
I always try to think that my kids are not really mine, they are God's children with His purporses and plans for them, and my job as a parent's job is to see what's in His mind for them? To see their talents and gifts, to develop all of this, to help them to become everything they can be in Him...
So thinking like this helps me focus on what matters, and small things like "But I want to..." do not bother me (well they do, but for a short period of time :) )
They are kids, they grow and learn, and explore, and test us...
So funny that we beging to understand our parents only when we explore parenthood. It is really a long life learning process, to be a parent of a baby, child, teenager, and grown up person...
Only now I beging to appreciate my mom's efforts, and long evenings of talikg, and teaching me, cause now I see all of this from another piont of view, from the point of been a parent.

I do not like handwriting any more (mostly because you don't have BACKSPACE...), but I do like to write, so here I will be sharing my thoughts, and mostly about children and parenthood, I just want my kids to see in future how I felt, and what I was thinking, so that they would be able to read...
Not always we can say things, and sometimes we loose our thoughts, this blog will help me not to loose...

May be some day, this blog will help others)

This is it for today...